Seriously?????

Boy oh boy, do I have a stubborn heart.  I so want to give God control of my entire life, yet I seem to stubbornly hold this particular part out and I honestly don't know why.  I continue to try doing it all "my way," thinking I know best.  You'd think I'd have learned better by now :(

The fact is, I know what I should do.  I know what I need to do.  I know what I MUST do.  And.... I know that I need to stop digging my heels in and begin to allow God to do the work in me that He has planned.  I continue to let all the distractions around me get in the way.  That needs to stop.  The only way to stop that is to begin each and every day with God ~ in prayer and scripture.  I need to give Him my day and pray for His guidance and His blessing in everything, rather than giving Him my agenda for the day and asking Him to make my plan work out smoothly.  It's a heart change before a body change.

I know that God loves me just the way I am, but I also know that I'm allowing my health and weight issues to come between He and I.  I suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome, severe asthma, joint pain, even brain fog.  All of these things are complicated and exaggerated by the added weight I'm carrying.  I know that physically I will feel so much better as I lose weight and finally get to my proper weight.  I also know that emotionally and mentally I'll feel better and more prepared to continue the work God calls me to.

Am I still finding joy in this journey?  Actually.... yes, I am.  Why?  Because honestly, it's when I'm stuck in "the desert" that I seek out God for my refuge, my solace, my contentment, my worth.  It's out here in this desert that I feel Him draw me near, wrapping me in His loving embrace, and can hear Him whisper His love for me.  So, I will continue to seek Him as I continue consciously to make better choices for the food I eat and determine to get some exercise on a daily basis.  I Choose God over my lazy habits.